You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The Olympian is in my bed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
