I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
