She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
