On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
