glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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