Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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