Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
