Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
