His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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