we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
