found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize