I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
