At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
