dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm too high and old for this...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
