a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
