Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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