Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
we should paint friendship bongs
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