I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
