How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
