Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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