haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
