Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
