btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
