He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
