i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
