I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize