She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
