It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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