I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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