Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
