I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
