all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Say something about gay babies.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
