apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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