the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
