Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
be right there i have to get my cape
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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