Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
