Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
