I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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