Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize