let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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