Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
