I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
