You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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