i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
