I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
