that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sorry about my life...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
