His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
