Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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