maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
