Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
