Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize