Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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