there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
