my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
