possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
