Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
