just come out here and I will go home with you...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
