It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
