my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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