I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
