I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
