69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
