Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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