I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
