If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize