i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
