There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
