I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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