Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize