I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
