Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
