Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
