i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
