I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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