she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
