gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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