conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
