ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
that may or may not have been my penis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
