they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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