You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
