Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
and she was petting her beer can
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize