First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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