we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
