She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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