he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
