i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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