Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
