my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
handjob tips. give me some.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Two words: blizzard sex
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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