During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Someone shattered a urinal.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
