I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
