I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize