so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
