The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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