He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
