Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize