genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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