do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
