One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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